I’m starting to feel like I should have made this blog, The Tomboy Wife. Seriously, you folks find yourselves here primarily through the search terms, “tomboy wife”, “marrying a tomboy”, “should I marry a tomboy?”, “what’s it like marrying a tomboy?”, will a tomboy wife eat her young?…Ok, I made the last one up, but I think it’s just a matter of time before that one pops up.
I’ve been married almost ten years and have two kiddos. I think we’re all doing just fine. I have two sons who go to my dojo with with me and watch me train. Yes, at 15 months old and 4 years old, they both know what a jab/cross combo is and that it is a cardinal sin to wear their shoes on the mats.
Marrying a tomboy will be a challenge, for sure, if you are not a secure and confident human. Tomboys, by nature (and due to our engaging in activities that constantly build self-esteem), are assertive and assured in nature. Your tomboy probably doesn’t need your approval. Count yourself lucky if you’ve found yourself a tomboy that loves you. They probably love you for you, not for something they need from you (other than companionship and a partner in crime).
I suspect you are more concerned with what others will think of your tomboy partner. Screw them. I mean, that’s the best advice I’ve got. A tomboy will make you feel like the most amazing human alive. Will your judgmental friends?
I will add this cautionary aside so as to avoid leading you astray as to the awesomeness of all tomboys. We do tend to be competitive in our relationships. The mature tomboy has learned to temper this need to compete with their spouse.
You may find that your tomboy treats you as a competitor.
If this is the case, I would suggest you have a conversation with her to reiterate that you do not want to be her competitor, but her partner- her equal, neither above nor below her. If you act above her, she will compete with you mercilessly. If you act beneath her, she will not respect you. She has probably had to compete against the boys the majority of her life for equality or comparison, either real or percieved. Please be patient. I assure you she is worth the intimidation you may be feeling right now. We’re really just looking for real relationships where we can be ourselves.
If you are searching for answers as to whether you should marry your tomboy, your tomboy is your best resource.