Marrying a Tomboy

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istockphotos.com/awertz


So you’ve found the girl of your dreams. She’s cute, confident, kind, loving, competitive… Wait a minute… How competitive are we talking? Are we talking, she enjoys watching football or she enjoys playing football? I mean, is she competitive where you will have a competitor rather than a partner? Will you be challenged daily on something as simple as to who can sink a paper towel in a waste basket from ten feet? Is this really someone you want to marry? Will she always wear casual, probably athletic clothes? Does she clean up nicely? What if she’s better than you at something athletic? What kind of wife will a tomboy make? Hmm… better find out before you put a ring on it, assuming she wears jewelry.

I don’t mean to sound chastising, but I’m curious what the title of this blog post means. My stats on this blog allow me to see some of the search terms people use to find The Tomboy Mommy. Recently, “marrying a tomboy”, popped up. I wonder what that person wanted to find out. I wander what he (presumably), wanted to assuage about marrying a tomboy. Clearly, if he is considering marriage, he must love her, or at leat possess an affinity in an amount that suffices the effort of considering marriag at some point.

Here’s the gist of a tomboy’s love life. We grow up being in tight with the boys because we play football with them on the playground, basketball after school, meet up for a game of shadows(hide and seek in the dark), and generally spend more time with the boys than any of our non tomboy counterparts and still spend time with our girl friends, moving between to the two groups of friends seamlessly. Then, middle school rears it’s ugly pubescent head. All of the sudden we’re spending a lot of time with the guys that our girlfriends wish they could, but without all of the tackling and skinned knees. The boys don’t look at us as girls really, but they’re noticing the other girls. We might have a crush here and there, but not on one of our buddies. Eventually though, one of our guy friends will become attractive to us. One of our girlfriends will think so too and, envious of the time we get to spend with him and our easy relationship, will want to know all about him. So you make your move, only to be told we’re one of the guys and hey, tell me about this friend of yours.

Welcome to the love life of a tomboy.

High school comes and your mom is still waiting for you to outgrow being a tomboy and starting conversations with, “One day when you meet your husband…or life partner”. The boys are too big and strong to play football with anymore, and besides, your old girlfriends don’t like you hanging out with their men. Some of the other tomboys are deciding whether guys are worth the trouble and considering whether they should try out girls (some always knew). The guys are happy to flirt with you one on one, but not in public and certainly have no intention of taking you out. You’re cuter and more compatible with them than their girlfriends, but, they don’t have the self-confidence to date a “strong female”, whatever that means. There are a couple of really nice guys asking you out, but they’re not the square jawed jock you have your eye on, and you don’t have the self-confidence to go out with them.

But high school is a brief stop and life after high school brings new opportunities and opens new doors. Outside of the clicks and clich├ęs of high school, people can be themselves and make choices they wouldn’t and couldn’t make before. You can be yourself and people actually like you for it. You meet a guy who likes you for you, even with your skinned knees.

You fall in love, and with marriage being the next obvious step, the jerk googles, marrying a tomboy.

Ok, maybe he’s not a jerk, but, what the heck?

What is so worrisome about marrying a tomboy? Are you worried she might run off with one of her girlfriends? Will she eat her young? I mean, if you love someone enough to be considering marriage, why would the fact that she’s a tomboy give you pause now? You clearly knew this about her and yet fell in love with her anyway, despite this malady. Now it’s a deal breaker? Here’s what you get when you marry a tomboy:

A woman that is fiercely loyal and passionate.

A partner that not only wants you to watch football, but fights with you over which game has priority on the big TV.

A wife that is easy to shop for, because she prefers a new kayak to diamond ear rings.

A female that doesn’t take 2 hours to get out the door.

A lover that has great cardio and endurance.

A mother that teaches their kids how to be strong, confident individuals.

So, to the guy who googled, “Marrying a tomboy”, unless you were curious for ideas of how to make a wedding exciting enough for her, I suggest going with the instincts that allowed you to fall in love with her in the first place, but be prepared to never have a dull moment. I hope whatever sites you ended up on gave you great advice. I’m sorry I hadn’t thought of writing something about it before now. My best advice is, if you love her, marry her- you’ll be in for a hell of a ride.

Mixed Martial Mommy

The Tomboy Mommy is about being an active, physical female, while raising a family. Today I’m highlighting a woman that epitomizes this balance. She is The Tomboy Mommy sponsored MMA fighter, Ferocious Fatima. Fatima is walking into the cage this weekend in her 5th amateur fight, and a title shot at that (and rumor has it, last before she goes pro). With a 3-1 record, Fatima has balanced fight training, essentially back to back camps, with being a wife and mother to two young kids. I asked Fatima how she balances everything.

Ferocious Fatima

Ferocious Fatima

TBM: How did you get the name, Ferocious Fatima?
FF: It is a name I picked up through training years ago.

TBM: How long have you trained martial arts?
FF: I have trained a bit over three years.

TBM: What disciplines are you trained in?
FF: When we say mixed martial arts, we mean it. I do a bit of Brazilian jiu jitsu, boxing, judo and wrestling.

TBM: Were you a tomboy growing up and do you consider yourself a tomboy now?
FF:
Growing up I was a tomboy and still see myself as one. I dress like a girl, but my actions and activities scream otherwise.
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TBM: What is your greatest challenge with being a fighter and a mommy?
FF:
The commute to training takes away more time than I want it to from the kids. I devote every moment that I’m not working or training to them and they fully understand the training and commitment. It’s something I hope I pass to them- not so much training martial arts, but being consistent in what you commit to.

TBM: Do you think being a fighter makes you a better mommy?
FF:
I think it’s the other way around. Being a mother, it doesn’t matter what I feel like when I wake up, I have to do what I need to do as a mother. So when I wake up and I don’t feel like training, whether it’s physically or emotionally, I remind myself that I’m a mother, and I’m able to push through it.

TBM: How do you juggle being a mom and a fighter?
FF:
Before training I do homework with my son and at times I take them with me to do a class before mine. We spend a lot of family time over the weekends. What I do in training is a full time job and it’s not any different than the typical working mother that spends 9 hours a day away at work.

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TBM: What does your typical day look like?
FF:
I go to work, get off, do homework with the kiddos or hang out, go train, and do my drilling/class/sparring/open mat, go to Gold’s Gym for cardio and weights, then head home to shower and sleep, and of course eat in between all of that.

TBM: What do your kids think about you being a fighter?
FF:
My daughter especially loves it. They understand it’s a sport and what it’s about. My son tells everyone at school about it.

TBM: Do your kids want to fight someday because mommy does?
FF:

My daughter always says, “I want to be a fighter like mommy.”

My son trained brzilian jiu jitsu with me before I stared fighting, but he never expresses any competition desires, and I wouldn’t ever push them to.

TBM: What message do you want to send to other women as a mommy who fights?
FF:
My message would be that with balance and following structure, anything is possible.

You can follow Fatima on her fan page at http://www.facebook.com/ferociousfatima