Babybook: If Your Baby Was on Social Media

Babybook Selfie!

Babybook Selfie! Just chillin’ in my bouncer.

Ever wonder if your baby is judging you?  Like a miniature teenager blessedly unable to voice their gripes and whines?  Maybe they are.  Here’s what your baby’s social media thread might look like if they were on Babybook.

My reusable diapers make my bottom look big.

Are these bottles BPA free?

The batteries in my mobile died.  Now I’m stuck staring at the ceiling.  Who can sleep like this? Screaming helps.

Are these cheerios genetically modified?

Ma! The humidifier is empty.

Is this white rice cereal or brown?  I’m not eating simple carbs.

Mom’s baby bullet died so I’m having to eat processed, packaged baby food.

My mom got these Nikes at Goodwill.  OMG, that means another kid wore them like, 3 times before me.

Dad bought me disposable diapers with Winnie the Poo instead of Mickey Mouse. #daddyfail

My iPad battery died. Great, now I’m stuck watching Your Baby Can Read on loop.

My mom thinks public breastfeeding is “natural”.  Really? Try being the one having to breast feed in public.  How embarrassing.  I hope none of my friends see me.

Are these crayons non-toxic? Cause I just ate like three of them.

These swim lessons are wack.  Have you seen what a swim diaper does to an adorable two piece?

If I have to listen to another Sonata or hear Bach one more time, I’m going to scream.  Someone put on The Plain White Onesies.

I know this binkie was on the floor more than five seconds.  Apparently blowing on it before you put it back in my mouth is part of the new infant guidelines for sanitary oral pacification methods.

I’m not sure if dad is trying to trim my fingernails or cut off my fingers at the first joint.

Is this breast milk paraben free?

I don’t feel like working out today- think I’ll skip tummy time.

This bib makes me look like I have no neck.

For the love! Can we invest in a wet wipe warmer?

I can’t wait ‘til I’m older and have the cognitive ability to understand physics.  It seems like if my head fit through the bars, it should fit backing out.

Gymboree was packed today.  I’m thinking I need to find somewhere less crowded to workout.

I can’t sleep with this random blankie.  It doesn’t know me.  It doesn’t know what I’ve been through.

This outfit was not washed in Dreft!  I’m all itchy, it’s burning my skin!

Support my neck, rookie.  I’m 2 days old.  I’m only out here because I ran out of room in there.

Where is my Boppy?  It was just here! Mom! I can’t find my… oh, never mind.  Don’t judge me, I’m still extremely near sighted.

Is this person trying to feed me peanut butter? I can’t have peanut butter for at least another six months.  Someone stop grandma! She’s trying to give me a peanut butter allergy and potentially ruin a normal childhood of PB&Js.

Strawberries? Has anyone talked to this woman about how we raise kids these days? I can’t have strawberries yet.  It’s an abomination!

I drank so much last night that I threw up all over dad.  I’ve really got to get off the tit.

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